comprehension »

When the Buddha was asked if gods and goddesses were real, his reply was “That is a question which does not tend toward edification.”

To edify is to build up or to establish. So, according to this enlightened being, this is not the question we should be seeking an answer to.

If you are on a spiritual path you are trying to do the best you can, to love the most you can, to do the most good you can. This is something that is alive in your heart – a yearning to live for more than just yourself.

The truly important question, then,  is “how to live such a life?”

It seems to me that there is too much focus on the existence or not of God or gods. You either love and seek more love or you don’t. I see this with people who believe in God and those who do not.

I have met many, many people who proclaim belief in God who actually worship power. And I have seen many people who proclaim no belief doing the same thing.

Instead of trying to fit into or rebel against certain notions it seems it would be much more useful to ourselves and the world if we endeavor to experience as much love as we can and take the necessary steps to become a person who can love more.

For me this happens in relationship to God. But it is how God has revealed God to me – which no one reading this should presume to have a clue about. (I once explained my understanding of God to someone who, after listening and asking questions pronounced me an atheist. I am terribly allergic to this kind of arrogance.)

I do know this: I will not turn away from a spiritual path because of the religious and anti-religious dogma around me.

Think of spirituality simply as having a sense of connection to something greater than yourself. In an increasingly narcissistic culture I think spirituality is needed now more than ever.

If it is in your heart to walk this path with some version of God, knock yourself out. If it is in your heart to walk this path without a version of God, have at it.

I really don’t care what you believe. But I do care deeply about how you behave, the pain you are in, your ability to love, and the amount of joy you experience. I also care if you are compassionate toward others and accountable and mature in your life choices.

There is nothing higher than love. And there are many paths to love. Are you on a path of love or not? Does your belief or lack thereof strengthen you to love more or not?

The world needs direct encounters with love. The world needs living acts of love, not a bunch of talk. It seems to me the world has an arrow piercing it and is bleeding and there are people gathered around asking who shot the arrow and where the arrow came from and what the philosophy might be of the people who shot the arrow. There is even talk about whether the arrow is real or an illusion.

Those who are living love will pull the arrow out and tend to the wound. Love is simple.

We need acts of love.

I say Love Now.

actions, blog, communication, effectiveness, foundations »

Oh my! The stories we make up about what is going on and about other people! It’s the curse of individualism – when we are supposed to do everything by ourselves and not need others, we also do relationships by ourselves. We make up stories based on our best guesses about the motives or reasons in the behavior or words of another then act upon what we guess.

We also take guesses as to the best ways to move forward then take action based on those guesses without ever engaging the other person. We just do what we think is the best thing given what we imagine and having no concrete information from the other person.

Not only does this way of doing things get in the way of shared common reality, it really lacks creativity.

If it has ever occurred to you that you can design a relationship and/or an outcome with another person, that’s great! You are in the minority. Most of us don’t know that we can change things, engage differently, clarify, discover, design, decide, agree, share in our relationship experiences. Most of us react to circumstances like we’re hitting a tennis ball – it comes how it comes and we do the best with it that we can.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you don’t like how something is going, or you don’t mind it but think it could be better, say something!

Here’s how:

First, speak to what is going on. Point it out. For example “Hey, friend, it feels like there is a lot of tension between us.” Just point to it.

Next, find out if the other person sees or experiences it, as well. “Do you feel it, too?” Their response will either give you clarity and you wont need to proceed further, i.e. “Oh, I have PMS, so you are feeling me being intense. It’s not you.” Or they will say “Yep, I feel it.” (or something else but you get the gist.)

Then express that you would like it to be different. “I’d like to have a different experience together.”

Ask them if they would like it to be different, too. “Would you like that, too?”

More than likely they will. They may not, though. Or they may not be ready for it. I’ve never experienced this but I’m sure it happens.

Then you say “Well, let’s put our heads together and come up with a way it can be better.” Then you both exchange ideas and see which ones feel the best. Try not to be too “process-y” and don’t psychoanalyze each other. Let it be simple, easy, and even fun.

Now I know this sounds weird at first. It sounds weird because

a)      it’s transparent communication

b)      it’s honest

c)      people don’t yet talk this way to each other

d)      it’s mature

e)      it brings consciousness and shared responsibility to the table

f)        it shows you care and for some reason that has come to be a bad thing

but this really is a very effective way to break the cycle of isolation, confusion, and drama.

You probably imagine that there are people in your life you cannot communicate like this with – that they absolutely wont be open or capable.  You may be right. But you may not. Let people surprise you. Imagining their limitations is just a product of fear, anyway.  I’ve had many, many people use this method and report absolute shock that someone they would swear up and down wouldn’t be able to go there, did.

That’s all for today. I’d love to hear your stories if you’d like to share them – it will only help me improve my models and thinking! Thanks everyone and have a beautiful day.