I looked up the definition of community this morning. Found that it comes from the root word “common” or “shared by all or many”.

This hit me. I thought “well no wonder we don’t have much community anymore – we have emphasized individuality so much that we have individualized ourselves away from it!”

I kind of have a beef about independence. And when I read the definition of community I got even more ammo for my argument.

There has been so much emphasis placed on expressing ourselves as individuals – the whole “dare to be different” thing – that I think there is a side effect no one anticipated: the erosion of community.

Individuality is by no means the sole reason for this. But it is, perhaps, one aspect.

When I first started my practice I remember dialing-down my “style”. My fashion sense is a bit eccentric and I knew if I dressed for myself I would alienate a lot of people. At the very least I would not create an environment conducive to community and a sense of commonality.

Ironically, I think that dressing to express your individuality is also an attempt to forge community by finding other like-minded folk. I have often laughed at how punk rockers look exactly the same today as they did 25 years ago when I was a kid.

It’s like somewhere in our search for belonging, for community, we either dial it up or dial it down to fit in somewhere. If you happen to be one of those people who just falls into the majority without effort, like my mom, I’m sure there are other ways you have sought community. My mom, for example, is a member of the NRA, collects carnival glass, and owns a dog. She has found community in all these things.

The thing that is so interesting to me about the value we have around individuality is that it automatically plops you into some communities and excludes you from others. I’m sure this has gone on for thousands of years, but it seems it we are in a time in human history where it would benefit us all if this changed. I would even go so far as to say that this needs to change.

The notion that “people are people” seems like a modern idea whose time has come. We need to be able to see through the façade of clothing and interests and to be able to see the human being underneath. One’s sense of community needs to transcend self-interest. And, dare I say, self-preservation.

So much fear has been promulgated – fear of “other” – that many people these days view observable difference as threatening.

When I was in Mexico on sabbatical I had a conversation with a very intense young man whose style can be described as “gansta”. He is about 6’4” and, when not smiling, looks very intense. He is very intense. But he’s a 23 year old male. Pretty much all men at that age want to beat something up or have sex with it – it’s the nature of testosterone.

Anyway, he was telling me how people react to him. He is one of the smartest, deepest, sweetest guys you’d ever want to meet. But people cross the road when they see him or wont look him in the eye or even say hello. To some he looks kind of menacing. He thinks he looks cool. It’s a matter of perspective.

And that’s what we seem to be lacking – perspective. People are people and if we continue to judge others by appearance, and if we continue to define and enforce communities based on individuality, then we wont have the larger sense of connection we need.

True community should be based on all members of a group. And we need to think about groups in a much larger sense – where we go from neighborhood to city to state to region to country to continent to planet in such rapid succession that everyone we meet is, in our own heart, a part of our community.

The lack of community is eroding us as a society. And by lack I also mean special interest communities whose borders become boundaries to greater connection with a broader group of humans.

Start with your own small groups. Get comfortable, get supported, get good at being a member of this group. Learn about strong community and practice being a good community member. But then go outside the boundaries of your group. Stretch yourself to develop your identity as belonging to a larger community. And practice this, too. Get good at it. Then go outside those boundaries and find what other ways you identify with people. Do this until you identify at the level of human being-ness – until you identify with people everywhere – and then practice being a member of this global community. Don’t stop until you feel love and shared responsibility for the condition of every human being on this planet. Then go further. Identify with mammals, then reptiles and insects, microbes and even stars. Dare to care about everything. Dare to belong everywhere.

My wish is that each of us will challenge our fear and isolation and talk to someone who looks like “other”. My wish is also that each of us will reach out, according to our ability of time and resources, to someone who needs support or help or contact, like the families of our city or the homeless or just the person in the grocery store who looks lonely.

I will write more about community – lots more. But this surged up when I read the dictionary entry and it seemed like a good tangent with which to start the week. My heart feels all full now. Sigh. Can you feel the love coming at you?