I’d like to talk with you today about the necessity of touch. Touch not just for emotional and mental health – though this is essential for our well-being and development – but touch as a conduit for energy that concretizes the reality of community and the reality of each of us as community members.

We live in a collective belief system that values independence and promotes separation in a nearly endless variety of ways. We have come to believe that doing things alone, by ourselves, without help or support, is a sign of strength. As such, needing help is often seen as a sign of weakness.

Over the years I have asked hundreds upon hundreds of people what they need. Everyone can say what they want. Almost no one can say what they need. I believe this is due to the societal value around independence. We are supposed to be autonomous units, self-sufficient and self-contained. We aren’t supposed to need anything. And if you actually believe this you most certainly have accompanying symptom(s) of anxiety or depression or feel very lonely or feel shame or have an internal self-critic on steroids.

As we, the people, are moving more toward notions of community we must confront, and step away from, the behaviors and beliefs that reify isolation.

I have noticed in conversation with the remarkable individuals that are dedicated to building community and unity that we are still, tragically, using tools from the outdated independence paradigm.

We cannot build a new global identity, one of community, using tools from a system that has served to isolate us and pit us against one another and ourselves.

Underlying the notion of independence as king is a philosophical system dating back at least 2,000 years that has, at it’s core, a belief that the body and the spirit or, at least, the mind, are separate. Moving forward in this grand tradition[1] we see that this philosophical heritage marries perfectly with a religious perspective of the body as evil or something to be denounced.[2]

So, as I look at questions of community and explore ideas of how to further unity and step free of the prison of independence, one very simple tool avails itself to my mind and heart – TOUCH.

There are a number of reasons I chose touch.

1. Touch instantly embodies connection. In other words, we can talk ad infinitum about how we are all truly connected, but if we are not connecting, literally, we stay in the realm of thought and make the inevitability of unity a slow and drawn out process.
2. Touch gives expression to things that are beyond words. There are, after all, some things that are best left unsaid yet still expressed. That’s what art does for us. It’s what touch does for us, as well.
3. Touch is actually healing. Our cells respond, i.e. function better, with very low levels of electromagnetic energy. A simple touch actually increases the health of our cells. More touch means more health.
4. Touch grounds us in our bodies. It affirms that we are here, that we exist, that we are real. In a world where people barely look in one another’s eyes and where the body is constantly denied, many of us walk around feeling unreal, like we are invisible or question if we actually here at all.
5. Touch is simple, freely available, and something you don’t have to “be good at” to be effective.

Many people are uncomfortable with touch. In a world that sexualizes everything it is no wonder. But our discomfort is based on beliefs from a framework that must die – a framework that makes even our most basic human need some kind of pathos.

Even just reaching out and touching someone’s arm can be very powerful. You don’t need to be sexually liberated. You don’t even need to be comfortable with it. But may I be so bold as to say that you do need to do it. At least if you want to help dissolve the barriers between us and actually manifest connection, not just talk about it.

The heart gives expression through the arms and hands. It is natural and necessary to physically express love. I think of all the marginalized people who are not touched. I think of what Mother Theresa did. I think of how we would all be transformed, and how much more rapidly we would heal and unite, if we would simply touch one another.

Touch should be respectful. Touch should be non-sexual in both the act and the intention unless all involved have an agreement otherwise. And most of all, touch should be a normal part of our lives.

We can’t just keep talking about community. We can’t just keep talking about how we are all connected. We need to physically embody these truths. In this way we can heal what has been wounded and we can build a world that reflects the truth that All Is One.

I would like to ask for reader resources for non-sexual touch insights, practices, and the like. (Leo Buscaglia – the hug guy, would be an example.) I also think that there are many sexuality-based practices that serve to heal and support our physical expression and would like to welcome these perspectives that are appropriate to this conversation, as well.

[2] In fact, these two branches inform and influence each other, creating the mess of disconnection and shame we find ourselves in today.