I woke up this morning thinking about the notion of giving and receiving. It seems pretty imperative that we have an equal balance of both capacities. If not, here is what I think happens:

If you are a really good giver – if that is your “role” or your comfort zone, then an imbalance can exist where it becomes very difficult to receive.

And if you are a really good receiver – if that is your role or comfort zone – then an imbalance can exist where it becomes very difficult to give.

So now let me say this in a way that makes very clear what is wrong with the imbalance.

A giver is someone whose energy goes predominantly one way: outward. It is an active energy that is a state of doing. A giver who identifies with this role does not typically receive very well. But it is in the receiving that we can be seen, that we can be soft, that we can be vulnerable. Giving all the time can make a person harden. It can make you tough. It can make you impenetrable and unknowable because your energy is so focused on outward (i.e. away) movement. Givers that I know have a hard time being seen and nurtured and known. They can seem aloof, defensive, unavailable, untouchable.

A receiver is someone whose energy predominantly draws inward. It is a receptive energy. A receiver who identifies with this role is not typically a very good giver and not typically very aware of the needs of others. Receiving all the time can lead to entitlement, expectation, laziness, and a general oblivion to the world at large. Receiving, when imbalanced, leads to becoming a taker. Receivers I know have a hard time seeing past their own noses and are not very other-minded and can be a drain on the people around them.

The funny thing is that I think an imbalance in the dynamic flow of giving and receiving leads to selfishness either way. The giver does not receive what is given to them, which means the generosity of others is not received, which is kind of selfish. And the receiver is selfish because they do not give back and do not contribute and become a kind of black hole and a drain in general.

Ultimately, I think that a dynamic and relatively equal balance between the two states is what we should all strive for. Whatever your dominant tendency is, honor that, but don’t let it dominate how you show up in the world. In this way we all can nurture one another and receive the nurturing offered to us. It creates much more intimacy and is much healthier for individuals and society both.

By both giving and receiving we are grown in our capacities and challenged to transcend comfort zones and become more truly who and what we are. We are able to more known, to be more seen, and to more valuable contributors to the world in which we live.

I know I certainly have work to do to be more balanced in this way. And I am motivated to become more balanced by how my imbalance has hurt people I love. If you pay attention to it, giving/receiving imbalance underlies a lot of issues that arise in our relationships and our society and we would all be better off if we learned to flow both ways. Just some food for thought for today.